Seriously, seriously screwed up today. Oh God I better not get sick.
Was in one of those mini supermarkets. You know the ones that are bigger than a news agent, but smaller than a supermarket? Seem to have more chickpeas and naan bread than the usual staples?
I was banking on plenty of canned goods still being available so I went in there and found nobody was there so started my shopping spree. I was checking the use by date on a can of some instant-breakfast-in-a-can muck when I sensed movement behind me. I spun around ready for some lumbering Slov to come at me, only to see an Indian guy with a shotgun levelled at my head. Must have heard me and come down from an upstairs flat or something.
Thanks goodness, thinks I, somebody else that isn’t sick. Well the guy must have noticed I wasn’t sick too because he hesitated with the gun. Next thing, his mother or somebody came up behind him. But she was sick. He turned to her and seemed surprised she was up and about and started rattling off in Hindi to her. She just ran up to him and latched what few teeth she had left in her mouth onto his arm. I ran up to help him out and gave the woman a few clouts with the bat. She went down, but he wasn’t very happy with me hitting his mother. He brought the gun up again. I could see the shock and confusion in his eyes and he was about to shoot me in the face.
I knocked the gun out of his hands and was about to turn and run out the door when his mother jumped back up again and literally launched herself at me. Nimble old biddy she was. Anyway, she got so close to my face she started spitting and dribbling blood all over me from the bashing I had given her. I threw her back and the shop guy grabbed her. I managed to race out to the car again and thoroughly soaked my face and anywhere she got blood and drool on me in disinfectant I had picked up from a chemist.
Man I better not get sick. I don’t want to go that way. Hell, I’ll top myself before that happens.
That guy with his sick mother reminds me of my wife. I miss her so much.